Battle of the Sexes

by Elias Yabarow
Sunday, February 28, 2010

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Farah or Halima? That is the question. A very complicated question indeed, but it’s one with a possible answer through a legitimate discussion. Both genders enthusiastically disagree on a variety of issues, but it’s obvious that one sided arguments are short-lived. For a community to be unified, flaws need to be not only unveiled but also discussed, in order for progress to spark. This friendly competition has been active for a while now, and I think it’s time to finally check the scoreboard.

One of the reoccurring complaints that exist in our community is the lack of Somali counterparts. We’ve all heard “she’s just not my type” or “there aren’t any around here”, but is there really any truth in that? From what I’ve heard, young Somali men are generally labeled as immature, poorly educated, or usually unappealing. Some may use this to fit the description of young Somali women also, but nevertheless, both genders are generalized. It’s obvious that our communication towards each other is fuelled mainly by prejudgments. We're all guilty of this practice, whether it’s done subconsciously or out in the open. For instance, if an individual of the opposite sex walks in the room, this practice is immediately put into effect. Now from my perspective, the sisters are more of the critics for a variety of reasons. Firstly, I think that our sisters deserve first class qualities of anything they're involved with, from little compliments to lavish lifestyles, so their prejudgments are justifiable. If they were to settle with anything less than the best, then we wouldn't be doing them justice. With that being said, I feel that the magnitude of this practice is tremendous, as compared to their counterparts. I still don't comprehend how people feel a certain way towards others, solely based on gossip and physical appearance. Image should only be a measure of an individual’s style, and not their values in life. It’s always a good idea to read a few chapters of the book instead of simply judging it by the cover. It’s common for us to critique a sister; the one who just walked in the room may very well be a potential wife. This inevitably leads us to the most talked about issue in the community, marriage.

There's been so much marriage talk recently that even my nephew is planning his engagement, by the way his ninth birthday is around the corner. But in all seriousness, both genders have concrete complaints. The sisters often complain about young Somali men being poorly educated. Well, that’s debatable. Because of the population ratio and other factors, it seems that more Somali women are pursuing higher level education, as compared to the men. Without a doubt, the sisters are the projected victors in this aspect. They say behind every successful man is woman, but unfortunately, that’s only a one way statement. We all know numerous females that perfectly fit this description, and their admirable efforts should be recognized. So I can't blame our ladies for wanting to marry a doctor or CEO, but some expectations are set too high. We need to accept the notion that financial stability doesn’t always depend on an educational background, but with the will of Allah that can be a tool used to be financially secure. Personally, I don’t see the reason why so much focus is put into marriage by the community, because at the end of the day it all boils down to being patient and trusting Allah to choose who is best for you.

Some call it positive competitiveness, and some call it petty quarrelling. Call it what you want, but because of a lack of communication on both sides, this is the state we’re in. The only intention of this is to gradually rebuild that bridge that was once built on the fundamentals of Islam, and mutual respect for one another. It was that same bridge that stood tall over our differences, and helped our forefathers overcome seemingly impossible obstacles. So whether you realize it or not, that bridge has an effect on each and every Somali, because part of where you’re going depends on where you came from. And part of where you came from was on that bridge, regardless of your sex.

Your thoughts delivered—Elias Yabarow

Elias Yabarow
E-mail: [email protected]

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